[this is not a public outcry for sympathy, or a pathetic attemt at catharsis]
[I am not suicidal, nor in need of help]
[not even drunk]
[this is just a note to self, a journal as its supposed to be]
[and this is the only tool I got for this]
[this ones is for me]

Acilis notu
Im about to leave this shithole..
and Im alone again,
I dont even have a computer or a sketchbook anymore,

I just have been wasting time.. Ive been wasting time for a while
2 years now, just wasted to nothing.. not only in achievements, in fun, in friends, money, in health, in career, two springs of my youth.. fuck. how many of those are we gonna get anyway..

somehow I was born in debt, the car was skidding out of control by the time I took the wheel.  I just want a full stop to begin from. I know I can take it from there, and even if I crash I wanna have no one to blame. and I know that Ill be allright.. hell, I probably trust myself too much for my own good.. Ive done nothing but take risks and survive since v2.0.. 7 somethin years now I guess.. collected a hefty load of stories and experiences, hell Ive got at least 4 copies of my will stashed around the globe.. funny, most think Im full of shit when I drift back to tell one of the stories.. i dont blame the people tho, most the shit is too fucked up and Im a crappy storyteller..
Fuck.. where the hell is backup?? the archetypal wizard, or even some sort of giant corp or art dealer would do fine right now..
I just said i didnt want help.. hmm.. nevermind,
dissapointment is probably the best/most rounded up expression for now.. or regret
(I wish I had Morte)  something like that..

and tomorrow is gonna be different I hope.. Im full to the brim with ideas.. some I know I cant do alone.. Im gonna try penetrating the biz and hopefully obtain the capital to skip town.. rich parents would have helped.. they might be the most 'good' people in the world.. fuckin angelic at times.. sharp as a scalpel too, both of them..but often ill equipped to deal with excruciating wawes of life tearing away at whatever they have just salvaged..
digressed too far.

Yeah Im not feeling too good right now.. infact I feel fuckin shitty.. I never really feel this shitty. not really.  
I wish I had the teenage angst.. I dont
I guess I have collected some good friends in the past.. some great//AMAZING// fuckers who, no matter where they may be scattered will never be forgotten..  just their memory realigns me when I stray too far.. and some memories my alcohol torn brain still holds will always bring joy and faith[for the record; not god or fsm of buddha]
the path that Im headed now tho, Im afraid even they cant help there.. not even master yoda would be much help.. fuck, he'd be as useless as a pecker on a pope...

Im sober.. not even a drop. and still ranting.
Time to pack up and GTFO



[no gf no job no money mutilated aching penis military fuckin 18 months no computer-im writing this from housemates laptop which I borrowed without permission-fuckin C drive got torn and I may have lost every single piece of work i have done in the past year-most of them personlal work for new portfolio- sool&jwf: shit out of luck and jolly well fucked.. even george carlin is dead, I wish I could see his expression if there was a god]

Kafani kullan abi,
KAFANI!?